152 lines
4.3 KiB
Python
152 lines
4.3 KiB
Python
#!/usr/bin/python2
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"""
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mylife.py - various commentary on life
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author: Ramblurr <unnamedrambler@gmail.com>
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author: mutantmonkey <mutantmonkey@mutantmonkey.in>
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"""
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import random
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from urllib.error import HTTPError
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import web
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import lxml.html
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def fml(phenny, input):
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""".fml"""
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try:
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req = web.get("http://www.fmylife.com/random")
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except (HTTPError, IOError):
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phenny.say("I tried to use .fml, but it was broken. FML")
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return
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doc = lxml.html.fromstring(req)
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quote = doc.find_class('article')[0][0].text_content()
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phenny.say(quote)
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fml.commands = ['fml']
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def mlia(phenny, input):
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""".mlia - My life is average."""
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try:
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req = web.get("http://mylifeisaverage.com/")
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except (HTTPError, IOError):
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phenny.say("I tried to use .mlia, but it wasn't loading. MLIA")
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return
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doc = lxml.html.fromstring(req)
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quote = doc.find_class('story')[0][0].text_content()
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quote = quote.strip()
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phenny.say(quote)
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mlia.commands = ['mlia']
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def mliarab(phenny, input):
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""".mliarab - My life is Arabic."""
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try:
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req = web.get("http://mylifeisarabic.com/random/")
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except (HTTPError, IOError):
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phenny.say("The site you requested, mylifeisarabic.com, has been banned \
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in the UAE. You will be reported to appropriate authorities")
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return
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doc = lxml.html.fromstring(req)
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quotes = doc.find_class('entry')
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quote = random.choice(quotes)[0].text_content()
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quote = quote.strip()
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phenny.say(quote)
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mliarab.commands = ['mliar', 'mliarab']
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def mlib(phenny, input):
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""".mlib - My life is bro."""
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try:
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req = web.get("http://mylifeisbro.com/random")
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except (HTTPError, IOError):
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phenny.say("MLIB is out getting a case of Natty. It's chill.")
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return
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doc = lxml.html.fromstring(req)
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quote = doc.find_class('storycontent')[0][0].text_content()
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phenny.say(quote)
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mlib.commands = ['mlib']
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def mlic(phenny, input):
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""".mlic - My life is creepy."""
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try:
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req = web.get("http://mylifeiscreepy.com/random")
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except (HTTPError, IOError):
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phenny.say("Error: Have you checked behind you?")
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return
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doc = lxml.html.fromstring(req)
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quote = doc.find_class('oldlink')[0].text_content()
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quote = quote.strip()
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phenny.say(quote)
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mlic.commands = ['mlic']
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def mlid(phenny, input):
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""".mlib - My life is Desi."""
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try:
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req = web.get("http://www.mylifeisdesi.com/random")
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except (HTTPError, IOError):
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phenny.say("MLID is busy at the hookah lounge, be back soon.")
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return
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doc = lxml.html.fromstring(req)
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quote = doc.find_class('oldlink')[0].text_content()
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phenny.say(quote)
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mlid.commands = ['mlid']
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def mlig(phenny, input):
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""".mlig - My life is ginger."""
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try:
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req = web.get("http://www.mylifeisginger.org/random")
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except (HTTPError, IOError):
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phenny.say("Busy eating your soul. Be back soon.")
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return
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doc = lxml.html.fromstring(req)
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quote = doc.find_class('oldlink')[0].text_content()
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phenny.say(quote)
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mlig.commands = ['mlig']
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def mlih(phenny, input):
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""".mlih - My life is ho."""
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try:
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req = web.get("http://mylifeisho.com/random")
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except (HTTPError, IOError):
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phenny.say("MLIH is giving some dome to some lax bros.")
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return
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doc = lxml.html.fromstring(req)
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quote = doc.find_class('storycontent')[0][0].text_content()
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phenny.say(quote)
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mlih.commands = ['mlih']
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def mlihp(phenny, input):
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""".mlihp - My life is Harry Potter."""
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try:
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req = web.get("http://www.mylifeishp.com/random")
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except (HTTPError, IOError):
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phenny.say("This service is not available to Muggles.")
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return
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doc = lxml.html.fromstring(req)
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quote = doc.find_class('oldlink')[0].text_content()
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phenny.say(quote)
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mlihp.commands = ['mlihp']
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def mlit(phenny, input):
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""".mlit - My life is Twilight."""
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try:
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req = web.get("http://mylifeistwilight.com/random")
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except (HTTPError, IOError):
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phenny.say("Error: Your life is too Twilight. Go outside.")
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return
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doc = lxml.html.fromstring(req)
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quote = doc.find_class('fmllink')[0].text_content()
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phenny.say(quote)
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mlit.commands = ['mlit']
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if __name__ == '__main__':
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print(__doc__.strip())
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